Internet Dating does not isolate people from society; it provides the tools needed to integrate people who would normally not be accepted, into society. People who use Internet dating as opposed to conventional mainstream dating are sometimes subjected to the label of a stereotype; a last resort for someone and a desperate attempt to find their soul mate. Yet, most of the sites suggest the majority of clients are young, enthused and opportunistic females and males who are simply trying to broaden their chances at finding a suitable partner to build a life with. Internet dating “…has become a mainstream way to meet someone special,” [Lukat 2008, p1]. The success rate and possible reasons behind it becoming socially acceptable so quickly is linked to Hollywood directors such as Gary David Goldberg who released ‘Must Love Dogs’ (2005) and Nora Ephron who’s film ‘You’ve Got Mail’ (1998) shattered the stigma attached to Internet Dating. This once frowned upon matchmaker has now become a tool to turn that frown upside down.
People use internet dating “both as a roadmap for the offline world and as a destination to meet people.” [Madden 2008, p1] This tool is so valuable to people who may be shy or lack the confidence to initiate dates or get out into the dating scene, and as far as the dating scene goes it has never been so cold, cruel or scary as it is now. In conventional dating, ‘hitting the town’ or hanging out at bars and clubs trying to find a prospective partner has never been more difficult or time consuming, not to mention the fear factor; of being rejected. Cupid doesn’t always shoot his arrows in the right direction. A major blow of rejection can kill your self-esteem and it is a slow recovery back to confidence. Even the most confident of people struggle in this harsh dating scene. This is why internet dating is an ideal way to look for prospective partners as it keeps your confidence and spirits high. Introverted and/or extroverted people gain “...a sense of empowerment from their online dating experiences,” [Armstrong 2008, p1] and “…such experiences can facilitate self knowledge and personal growth,” [Turkle 1997, p185] which integrates people who would normally not be accepted in society.
Kraut’s well known Home Net study found that “…the greater the introversion of a person, the more likely they were to use the internet for online romance.” [Kraut 1998, p162] This was also the case in Peter, Valkenburg and Scouten’s report titled ‘Cyberpsychology & Behavior’ in which they say introverted people “…were more strongly motivated to communicate online to compensate for lacking in social skills. This increased their chances of making friends online. Among introverted people, a stronger motive for social compensation also led to more frequent online communication and online self disclosure, resulting in more online relationships,” [Peter, Valkenburg & Scouten 2005, p1] which may then move into relationships offline.
There are many possible reasons for introverted people struggling with dating as opposed to extroverted people such as nerves and letting fear take over. Both in which hold them back from showing who they really are and/or avoiding dating altogether. Also the fear of not being accepted for who they are, their beliefs and background, being insecure about their appearance, having a disability or being of a mature age. These factors contribute to the growing number of people searching for their soul mate on line.
Although “…social identity, social interaction and relationship formation may be different on the internet than in real life” [McKenna and Bargh 2000, p57-75], and the effort and time in which is put into Internet Dating in comparison to conventional mainstream dating are vastly different. The rules and guidelines remain similar and the goal/end result in which one finds their soul mate; is exactly the same.
“In 2007, 7.8 million single Britons used some form of online dating service to find romance compared to 5.4 million who used a mixture of offline and online services in 2005.” [Lukats 2008, p1] Internet Dating provides you with a lot of options, “…you get to see so much about a person, such as age, previous marriages, number of kids they have or want, religion, occupation, what they’re looking for,” [Warlick 2008, p1] in a person and relationship. These factors contribute to better communication within the friendship and/or relationship.
Internet dating provides the means of communication between introverted and/or extroverted people. Creating a level playing field for all, who wish to be in this game. Internet dating is genius it makes up for the things that conventional dating lacks, by allowing you to seek a person who has the attributes and personality traits that suit your personality and life style. It also gives both parties honest self expression, without the fear of not being rejected or not accepted, an easier option to talk about oneself, and the pace in which you move within the relationship. Many relationships in conventional mainstream dating often start off as a physical attraction, whereas by comparison internet dating builds a core communication structure which involves: getting to know each other, creating boundaries, finding each others limitations, and forming an emotional connection, and if and when there is a meeting; physical attraction will then come into play.
The weight of evidence clearly articulates that Internet Dating clearly does not isolate people from society and that it is the necessary tool to help introverted people find their place in society; without the pressures of ‘normal’ society weighing on their shoulders. Clearly whilst Internet Dating is not seen as the only way of meeting a partner, it is a very accepting, exciting and liberating way of being back in the dating scene or continuing with your search for your ideal partner. Differences are often misunderstood in society and seen as a bad thing; but this conflict must be assessed by each individual as to whether or not it is right or wrong for them. It is obvious that risks and benefits exist in all forms of dating so ultimately the decision rests with the individual. But integration into society is a major benefit of internet dating.
References
Armstrong, Natalie (January 02 2008) Online dating ‘sad and frustrating’ http://www.news.com.au/technology/story
Ephron, Nora (dir) (2005) Must Love Dogs (Motion Picture)
Goldberg, Gary David (dir) (1998) You’ve Got Mail (Motion Picture)
Jochen, Peter, Patti M. Valkenburg, Alexander P. Schouten October 1 2005,‘Cyberpsychology & Behavior liebertonline.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cpb.2005.8.423
Lukats, Victoria (January 18 2008, pg.1) M2 Presswire, Wire Feed http://proquest.umi.com.libraryproxy.griffith.edu.au
McKenna, Kately, Bargh, John 2000, ‘Plan 9 from Cyberspace: The implications of the internet for personality and social psychology, p57-75 Business Source Premier http://libraryproxygriffth.edu/losin?url=http://searchebscohost.com/login.aspx?directtrue&do=buh&an=3176648site=ehostlive&scope=site.plan9fromcyberspace:the implicationsoftheinternetforpersonalityandsocialpsychology,
Pew Internet & American Life Project ‘Romance blossoms on the internet’ Press Releases- Short Summaries of our research reports and other project news (2008) http:www.pewinternet.org/press_release.asp?r=125
Turkle Sherry 1984, The Second Self, Simon & Schuster, New York, America
Turkle, Sherry 1997, Life on the screen identity in the age of the internet Simon & Schuster, United States of America
Warlick, Heather February 11 2008, ‘Online dating goes mainstream’, McClatchy – Tribune Business News Washington, Wire Feed
Whitty, Monica & Carr, Adrian N. (2006) Cyberspace Romance: The psychology of Online Relationships Palgrave Macmillian
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